How the heck did I end up here?
When I think about how I was as a child, it definitely makes sense that I’d end up here. But like most of us, for a long time I was heavily influenced by society, fear, strict religion and other peoples ideas of success and what is acceptable. Basically, I forgot who I truly was until one day I was jarred awake from the illusion that had become my life.
As I child I was very (VERY) interested and almost obsessed with ghosts, angels and magic. Nearly every library book I checked out was some kind of ghost story or magical fantasy. I truly believed that I had powers and distinctly remember showcasing my skills of “making the wind blow” on the playground at recess (please note: I cannot, in fact, make the wind blow).
Starting in the 5th grade I began being badly bullied - physically and verbally. When the internet came around and AOL Instant Messenger became a thing kids did, the bullying only became more intense. I survived an extremely traumatic event at age 13 which just made me feel like more of an outcast. Throughout middle school and high school I was extremely depressed and desperate for attention, acceptance and validation. So I made myself fit into boxes where people would like me. After graduating college I continued to mold myself according to what people liked and didn’t like, this time in the work world, and found myself constantly burning out and having mental breakdowns from stress and over-working. But I continued to force the square peg into the round hole. I knew no other way.
In December 2017 I received the most heartbreaking news and experienced the most tragic loss I could’ve never imagined. My brother, Kyle, was gone. Losing him ripped me open and was the catalyst for an awakening I didn’t see coming.
Over the next 3 months following his passing, I had what I could only describe as an out-of-body Spiritual experience. I was witnessing myself - my thoughts, my actions, my reactions, my words - as if I was both inside and outside at the same time. I found myself thinking, “why did I say that? Why am I acting this way? Who even am I?” I felt like a stranger and a prisoner inside myself. Yet at the same time I was also having these profound Spiritual experiences where I could feel my brother and almost hear him speaking to me, guiding me. I never really believed in God much beyond fearing being “bad” and going to hell, but something powerful had my attention.
I began immersing myself in the metaphysical world, studying meditation, other realms and dimensions, Archangels, Tarot, quantum physics, energy and more. The more I learned, the more I believed there was something much greater than me at work. But I also had so much to un-learn.
2020 was the year that I was ready to commit myself to a Spiritual path. I left a career, fully knowing deep within me that I was never going back to any “job” ever again. Spirit revved the engine and shot me full-throttle through ego-deaths, synchronicities and awakenings, beauty and pain. One day during a meditation, I was overcome by the purest feeling of love I had ever experienced and felt my hands light on fire with an intense, flowing energy. I knew in my heart that I was meant to share it. Without really knowing what I was doing, I started “sending energy” to my husband, my friends, and really anyone who would let me. Mentors and teachers came into my life from seemingly thin air. I received my first Reiki certification only a few months later and founded Cosmic Kelsey LLC. Shortly after that, I began offering 60-minute healing sessions for $5.00.
Sitting here today, I’m in awe of the speed at which this beautiful, fulfilling, life of love and devotion has unfolded, but I’m not surprised. It only solidifies for me what we are capable of when we start embracing our Soul-Selves and utilize the power we hold within.
