Why it’s not possible to never feel sad…
Yesterday I received a DM from someone very honestly and openly explaining that they feel jealous of me for being so happy. This person also shared that they force themselves to smile, hoping it will help them be more like me.
I felt my heart drop.
Despite my best efforts to be fully transparent about the darker, more raw side of the Spiritual path and journey, I understand that I can come across very smiley, bubbly and happy on social media. If you know me in real life, you’ll see and experience that happy Kelsey quite a lot! In fact, joy has become sort of a baseline for me. But that definitely was not always the case for me. Admittedly, I did a lot of faking and performing in the past.
It may or may not shock you to hear that forcing myself to be positive or to smile when my body felt heavy with grief or to feel grateful when I felt angry did NOTHING to bring me to where I am now. I’m only able to feel joyful often because I also feel and express the pain often.
Not coincidently, yesterday morning I woke up and thought, “whoa, shit…what is that? What am I feeling?” There was a heaviness, a sorrow, that was weighing me down. At one point my husband even asked me what was wrong and I truly didn’t know - I couldn’t pinpoint it. And then it hit me. I’ve been feeling so good that I totally forgot to make time to feel the other stuff - rage, anger, grief, frustration…pain.
Even though joy is my baseline, I still need to empty out those buckets that get full just from living in today’s world.
Yep. We all do.
No matter how great you feel, you still absorb energy. If you’re aware of it, then you can “empty” it by feeling it. If you aren’t aware, you’re probably packing it in like you’re a storage facility. You’re going to get full eventually.
So despite the 24/7 positive rainbow explosion you may see depicted on social media (I promise to be real with you on my page), it is IMPOSSIBLE to be happy all the time. So cry. Rage. Scream. Pound your fists into a pillow. And if you aren’t ready for that part yet - let me get on my soapbox real quick - just be aware. That’s always the best place to start.
